awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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