i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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