Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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