I wannas sexs uuuuu
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
