Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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