Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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