so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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