I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Let's get the cat blown out
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
