we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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