The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's blow job season.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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