Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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