i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I need a burrito and a hug.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
