I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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