I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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