My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
