So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
