Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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