you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
