I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
