I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
