he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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