i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
