Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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