Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize