The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
