I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
