I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize