And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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