can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
