So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
