Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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