I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
