I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
