Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
