the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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