After last night, I could never be a politician.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
