If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
