I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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