I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
