We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
