my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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