that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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