Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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