Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
