I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
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We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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