dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
