So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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