I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize