Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
