I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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