and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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