so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
