I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
