I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
