bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information