i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
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I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous