I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee