What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
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separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there