It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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