the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
