Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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