hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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