I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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