Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
