HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
